What we REALLY think in the gym
July 19, 2013

I do some of my best thinking in the gym, I go there to work through my troubles, and I go running to clear my head – that being said I also have some pretty messed up things go through my head too, I mean I am human after all.

So I thought I would write a blog post on what men and woman are probably thinking whilst at the gym, here goes (Ladies first):

What woman are thinking while in the gym

  1. Are we wearing the same outfit? – We live in fear of wearing the same outfit as someone in the same vicinity as us just about all the time, but usually if you do bump into someone wearing the same outfit as you they or you have made it a “little” different by putting on a scarf or a different pair of jeans or something on to make the outfit their own, at the gym this is pretty difficult because gym clothes lack variety and if you “accessorize” while gymming you are basically doing gym wrong.
  2. Does she have VPL? – VPL for those of you who don’t know is “Visible Pantie Line” a cardinal sin in girl world, if you have it we will judge you, get your underwear situation under control, especially if you are going to commit to wearing skin tight tights
  3. Am I done yet? Am I done yet? Am I done yet? – That is me doing cardio, basically. I know I have a 20 minute limit on the treadmill and time seems to slow down and almost go backwards like I have entered a time warp whenever I step on that darn machine
  4. I thought this sports bra was Industrial strength! – Now I am not big breasted, hell I am not even medium breasted, but when I go for a run god knows you need a GOOD sports bra and there is nothing worse than realising 5 minutes into a cardio session that you do not have a GOOD sports bra on. Ladies with big boobs, I don’t know how you do it? Do you double up on the sports bras? Either way, god bless you!
  5. Look at that guy, oh my god, look at that guy – There has been many a time when my 45 minute gym session has been extended to an hour or more based purely on the fact that a Ryan Reynolds looks alike is training at the same time as me, bless your cotton socks you good looking bastard
  6. Look at that bitch, I hate her – You all know the girl I am talking about the one who has “all the bumps in all the right places” who looks so good in her gym attire its like she may get head hunted by Nike at any time to appear in their new ad campaign, I lust after her with jealousy in my eye and hate in my heart while secretly wishing I had her body, I also sit behind her in the spinning class because my ass WILL look like that!
  7. Check that guy doing pull ups like it ain’t no thing – How? Teach me your ways? How do you make it look so effortless? Will you marry me? Just a few things that go through my my head when I see men doing pull ups, my loins thank thee
  8. Did I switch off the oven? – I always eat before gym, I don’t know if you should but in my brain I will be working off whatever I eat, so I live in constant worry that I will return home to a burnt down house – and it you know me and my cooking abilities at all you will also know that this is highly likely

What men are thinking while in the gym

I am assuming these things for the most part because obviously I am not a dude so I have NO idea what guys think in the gym, although sometimes for fun I give the steroid junkies voices and make pretend conversations between them and their gym buddies in my head

  1. My arms are so jacked, I need to cut off my sleeves – Guys love vests in the gym, it’s like one day all men got together and were like “We are starting a protest against sleeves”, maybe its to show off how loaded there guns are? Maybe its to make sure that the bints see their veins? Maybe its just because their gorilla arms are too big to fit in sleeves? I don’t have the answers
  2.  I need to lift heavier weights – Testosterone, who knows what it does to men but it sure as hell gives every man a “Must be the strongest, biggest most impressive peacock” syndrome, oh you are lifting 120? I must lift 130.  It’s a who can lift the heaviest war out there girls
  3. I’m going to sweat all over this bench and then not wipe is, cos bitches love sweat – This again is an assumption because well, WHY DO MEN NEVER WIPE DOWN THEIR BENCHS? (This also applies to dishes in the sink – they aren’t going to clean themselves boys)
  4. Sports, sports stuff, sports – They must think about sports because EVERY TV in every gym every is showing some form of sporting event that is currently happening, or re-caps of sports events past, sports, men have sport on the membrane
  5. Booties, booties everywhere, am I in heaven? – What consumes men’s brains for 90% of their gym workouts? Ladies bums ! Dudes just can’t stop thinking about chick’s cabooses, ladies if you are in the gym and you walk past the weight section or any male dominated section in the gym, they are going to check out your ass, deal with it, hell shake it a bit and give them a show



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